For those unaware of Machete's production life, it's rather unique. It all started as a fake trailer behind the Tarantino/Rodriquez double-feature Grindhouse. Along with a couple others, it was used to create a unique feel behind the Grindhouse films. Now besides being an insanely cool thing to do before a movie, it turns out people actually went nuts for it. Usually fans clamoring for a film doesn't mean squat, but in this case it was enough to get the film made. Add to that the absolute bomb that Grindhouse was at the box office (only made $50 mil on a $53 mil budget) and it's nothing short of a miracle that Matchete went into production. Picking up on the success of Machete, plans for a feature version of another Grindhouse faux-trailer have been made. Yes folks, Hobo With a Shotgun got the green light. I'm thinking an in-depth plot outline of this isn't necessary. Personally I love seeing well-done throwback exploitation films as they capture a hilariously odd sense of filmmaking. And since The Expendables was nothing short of a disappointment that took itself too seriously, I had faith that Robert Rodriquez knew what he was doing and would make an awesome movie.
That's pretty much what Machete was. I'm not sure if intentionally shitty is the right word, but it's definitely intentionally laughable. Not having been around when exploitation films were big, I still enjoy the hell out of them and it's a change of pace to the super-serious dramas that tend to dominate movie theaters. This was probably the finest ode to those movies I've seen. Machete didn't take itself seriously. There was graphic violence, nudity, and enough cheesy lines of dialogue and smash cuts to make me think I was in a drive-in circa 1970. Within the first 5 minutes about 5 heads had already rolled and at least one pair of breasts had been seen. Oh and there was also the
'ol pull-the-cellphone-outta-the-vagina scene. To say it was the most hilariously over-the-top scene I've ever had the pleasure of watching in a theater would be an understatement. I cannot imagine what they used to get mulchy digging sound, nor can I imagine how anyone on that set could have kept a straight face during that take. There were two scenes in my mind that summed this movie up perfectly. The first being about a 30 second shot of Danny Trejo texting. That's it. Half a minute of Trejo's nubby fingers punching at a cellphone. The second was again with Trejo, but this time he cut someone's guts out, grabbed onto an intestine and rappelled down the side of a building. If you cannot enjoy the hilarious nature of either of those scenes, then please do not bother seeing Machete, it's not for you.
I think the biggest surprise to me was the number of A-list/high profile actors that were willing to just goof around in this movie. Robert DeNiro, Jessica Alba, and Michelle Rodriguez do not need to take on a project like Machete. They already have well established careers but still signed on for this, which is incredibly cool of them. Watching DeNiro play a hick politician and be essentially a satire on the hard core, right wing protestors on illegal immigration was rather genius. The seemingly random political ads for him were timed perfectly and had me in stitches. Both Alba and Rodriquez should win Oscars for having to do sex scenes with Danny Trejo. I really want to make a mexican pizza-face joke here, but I won't. Lindsey Lohan was of course pretty obviously high as hell the entire time. Her intro scene was of her passed out in the closet of a drug nest. Considering her recent "troubles", I'm not quite sure this was a written scene. Knowing Lohan, she was probably in a drooling, drug induced coma on set and they just went with it. And her obvious body double was annoying for the simple fact that she thinks she's too high-class to do a nude scene. The woman is the very epitome of a crack-whore yet she doesn't want to show her breasts on film. Pity the thought, Lindsey, that you'd give people the wrong impression of you. Dummy. Sorry for ranting, but I really despise that vapid whore. Also kudos to Danny Trejo for getting a lead after a long career and getting to mac on both Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriquez. All while saying less than 30 lines of dialogue the entire film. I salute you, sir.
For the most part the reviews have been pretty spot on for this flick and I'm happy to see it pulled in a respectable $11 mil on it's slim $20 mil budget. Of course some stupid ass critics took the film as actually having a message and said how offensive it is that it was so obviously pro-illegal immigration. First of all, a film can have any type of message it wants and if you don't like it then feel free to perish in a bus accident. Secondly, it was an exploitation film. Nothing it does is serious. If anything, it's taking the royal piss out of all the controversy regarding the immigration issue. So when dickhead critics get up on their keyboard pedestal and start bashing the film for its message, you're actually proving its point. Moving on to Line of the Week. I actually had to do a little digging for this knee-slapper, since most critics were actually spot on in their thoughts about the movie. I'm still in shock from the mere amount of coherent and correct thoughts about the film in the critic's blurbs on RT. Don't worry little birdies, I found one douche who tried to make a funny. It comes from Lisa Kennedy of the Denver Post, a supposed "top critic" on rottentomatoes and one absolute comic genius, "Rodriguez plans Machete sequels. Here's to hoping the next is sharper and cuts closer to the bone." Oh....I see what you did there, Lisa....sharp and close to the bone....like a MACHETE BLADE. Ohhh Lisa, you're a riot! See it's funny because it's a pun and a criticism all wrapped into one!!! Yuuuuuuuuck. Do us all a favor Lisa, and promise to never say anything witty ever again.
Overall score: 8 out of 10
Bottom line: Being the most fun I had in a theater in a recent memory, Machete was able to capture the tongue-in-cheek, over-the-top vibe to become a perfect ode to the glorious exploitation films of days past.
Tweet
0 comments:
Post a Comment